Sometimes when you’re single and struggling to find the right partner, seeing friends, colleagues and everyone around you getting engaged can feel like a punch to the gut. It is common and quite normal for women (and men) to feel as if they are being “left behind” when others around them are getting married or entering into long-term relationships, explains Támara Hill, a licensed therapist who regularly helps clients dealing with this issue.
“In some ways, people, especially young people, put pressure on themselves to achieve certain things in order to feel ‘arrived’ or ‘accomplished.’ When a marriage or long-term relationship isn’t happening, this chips away at self-worth (which it shouldn’t).” Hill even adds that just since the reveal of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle‘s engagement, she’s seen a few women around her begin to make self-deprecating remarks. “It’s that feeling of not being able to ‘achieve.’”
If you feel like these feelings speak to you, here are some expert-approved tips on how to cope when everyone around you is getting engaged or married and you’re still single.
Stay Focused on Yourself
Everyone comes to the table with a different story to tell and perhaps your story is completely different, explains Hill. “Different stories result in different endings. This doesn’t mean that you are any less than the person who is getting engaged and seeming to be living a good life.” In other words, perhaps you spent your 20s traveling for your career while your friend stayed local and it was a lot easier for her/him to meet more marriage-ready guys or girls.
Know You’re Not Alone
It’s really hard feeling like you’re the one who’s being left out, that your life is standing still while everyone else’s seems to be moving on. “Perusing through Facebook and Instagram and seeing post after post of shiny engagement ring photos can be really triggering, bringing up feelings of jealousy, sadness and fear that this may not happen for you,” explains licensed therapist, Annie Wright. You might feel bitter or a bad friend for feeling this way, but Wright adds that what you’re going through is a very common experience and there are many others out there feeling the same way.
Take Care of Yourself
This may mean taking a break from social media for a while (so you don’t see all those engagement photos and wedding countdowns), suggests Wright. “It may also mean not attending any more engagement parties or weddings; or perhaps you will just need some solid escapist Netflix time with a show like Stranger Things, where engagements are the last thing on anyone’s mind!”
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